The Extensive Coercive Control Guide
essential caps
Caps, like law, are parts of writing that protect against evasion. In family law they are essential.
Not giving financial disclosure, not making support payments, making false calls to police, defamation to work colleagues, and tying oneself to the family members with money.
These are facets of grooming the system. As the situation becomes more stressful for the controller because they see they are not winning, they become more dangerous. You can see this in the situation of Palestine being recognized as a state. “Israeli politicians react bitterly to international recognitions of Palestine state.” The Guardian,
“But there was little prospect of Israel’s government changing course as a result of the recognitions, experts said. “This will not have one millimetre of influence on policymaking,” said Yaakov Amidror, a former national security adviser to Netanyahu and analyst at the Jerusalem Institute for Strategic Studies, a conservative thinktank.”
Isaac Rabin stated that for Israel to be independent and free, a Palestinian state was necessary. “”On Palestine, I will simply recall here a conversation between Yitzhak Rabin [former prime minister of Israel] and one of our leading diplomats, who recounted it to me. It was just a few months before he was assassinated [on November 4, 1995] (...). Rabin explained that the creation of a Palestinian state alongside Israel was a condition for the survival of Zionism, because only this, he said, could prevent either the collapse of Zionist identity, which would be drowned out within a multi-faith and multi-ethnic Palestinian state, or the collapse of Zionist values implied by the creation of an asymmetrical and unequal community, built on the model of apartheid.” Discussion by Jean-Louis Bourlanges
A member of the UN on September 22, said that Prime Minister Netanyahu went into a meeting after something like this new state for Palestine, and ‘makes more mistakes’. This is a benign way of discussing what happens after a person or state of people who have been subject to discrimination and violence is recognized by a court or an international body, as on September 22 and 23. They go into a meeting and make mistakes, which mean that they disregard the movement towards peaceful interaction and the worse has already happened. They disregard, beginning with threatening to disregard. President Macron, France said, “We will never forget October 7.” And that is true.
This is the strategy of coercive control. It is most often started with a threat, verbalized, to the target but also to others, so that everyone knows what the stakes are. There is little to no exceptions for positions of power that would intercede.
In family courts, a blindfold is put over a judge through repeated attempts to make completely false and misleading statements to create a ‘vacuum’ whereby the ‘facts’ presented create a 'fight or flight’ response in the judge’s mind. This can only be successful if threats are used afterwards to stop an appeal or by disregarding the result of an appeal if lost. It is in the same way, going into a meeting with a lawyer, and deciding how to not follow law.
The results of an Appeal, a loss, will find a ‘meeting with mistakes’ taking diverse and elevated actions, possibly more frightening that previous ones, but if the target is a child, because using what is most precious as a threat is the most common, most successful threat, moving forward. There are few parents who will exchange their child’s safety for money. But there are many coercive controllers who do this every day in family courts. They are assisted by lawyers who have practiced law in this way though of course, this is not law practice, but extortion.
In fact, Israeli peace activist Yonatan Zeigen in Tel Aviv, whos mother, Canadian, Vivian Silver was killed on October 7, believes that militias will disband when the new Palestinian State is formed, as Israeli militias disbanded upon the formation of Israel in 1948.
I am not comparing the situations of Palestine and Israel to the coercive controlling use of systems, but attempting to compare the strategy to coming to equality. I am not discussing the violence. There is so much devastation in the road to this equality, that it makes sense to me to try to cultivate some qualities and awareness, to further equality. There is natural justice and I am using my experience and resources to make a plan that is not evasive of the facts on the ground. As the Finnish diplomat “““Accepting the facts as they are is the starting point of improving the situation.”“Acknowledging existing facts does not mean submitting to the weaknesses of the present situation.” Urho Kekkonen, President of Finland, 1962 - 1982.
Censorship has no place in our present position:
Caps for Separation Agreements that will efface efforts to submit the other partner to unfair occupation of their life. Divorce often continues for a decade because of the litigation which is vexatious, preventing real separation, using the court and 3rd parties as punishers. This is in violation of CEDAW in Canada (plus other countries where discrimination against women can be found in family courts, and the country has ratified this agreement) Below from: Entry into force: 3 September 1981, in accordance with article 27(1).
‘In its preamble, the Convention explicitly acknowledges that “extensive discrimination against women continues to exist”, and emphasizes that such discrimination “violates the principles of equality of rights and respect for human dignity”. As defined in article 1, discrimination is understood as “any distinction, exclusion or restriction made o.1 the basis of sex...in the political, economic, social, cultural, civil or any other field”.
“Among the international human rights treaties, the Convention takes an important place in bringing the female half of humanity into the focus of human rights concerns. The spirit of the Convention is rooted in the goals of the United Nations: to reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity, and worth of the human person, in the equal rights of men and women. The present document spells out the meaning of equality and how it can be achieved. In so doing, the Convention establishes not only an international bill of rights for women, but also an agenda for action by countries to guarantee the enjoyment of those rights.”
Article 2C: (c) To establish legal protection of the rights of women on an equal basis with men and to ensure through competent national tribunals and other public institutions the effective protection of women against any act of discrimination;
The Convention on the Elimination of All Discrimination Against Women has been ratified in 189 states and its 3rd tenet states that permanent correction must be made.
Any statute in a country which promises equality will be permanent correction. Moving back and forth as those who want to, test the rules, and waste valuable human life, are not reasonable. So, for that reason I have compiled a list of possible caps or rules to use in Separation Agreements, which are the end of a marriage contract, but could be used in the ceasing of any contract to ensure that the equality provisions are held.
Caps:
Payments ordered by courts to have automative penalties and interest when unpaid. At the present time there is no recourse when an unequal partnership exists and one party uses their own needs as the reason they are not paying. This is using the unequal power balance, finding a ‘loophole’ perhaps having a ‘meeting’ with a lawyer, to strategize a stronger financial position in order to gain control. This is a basis of coercive control.
Using children as leverage. At the present time, lawyers, who have no education in early childhood may be advocating and children are commonly harmed by this lack of expertise. It must be understood that children under two years of age must be with their mothers because of attachment, and if they are removed commonly suffer attachment issues in their adulthood. But this must also become a more humane decision that presently removes any expertise from the mother, and this is direct discrimination. I advise mothers to bring academic papers to court to demand that their child can profit (in the French sense of the verb, which is to take advantage and enjoy) the expertise of having a mother to attach to. Equality in this way is not a 50/50 split, which is absurd. The lack of logic and caring in this approach also encourages using the child as leverage, a 50/50 essence, which encourages more use of the child, and this can be found in all coercive control literature and research. (See: Dr Emma Katz, Dr. Andreea Gruev-Vintila)
Financial Disclosure not made: Non-disclosure blocks examination of the flow of funds. This one is a common use of power to not fully financially disclose which makes equality impossible. This strategy directly contravenes court rules as disclosure is mandatory. Not following rules is only a small part of the coercive control strategy in courts. The controller doesn’t disclose, and tells the target they are not disclosing. They tell outsiders other stories to deflect and make sure the target is not believed. A complex flow of marital assets is moved from one party to the other through non-payment of support, non-disclosure, abduction of children, and fraud - false receipts taken from children to provide court with false evidence, and taking money from third parties who have been told false stories. In this way, defamation is a vital tool, to make the courts overlook the controller’s lack of financial disclosure. The spin (indifference to the truth) communicated in court is to 1) humiliate 2) take assets 3) isolate and put on the record, false statements which are then continued to be used. This is a conspiracy because the power effacement is a planned stage of the attack. It allows the continual flow of funds. This is done like theatre, with great affectation, lots of energy, shocks the target. It is necessary to understand this process, and recover quickly from the shock, which is intended to silence any adequate response.
Each time the controller loses, and defies a court order, the opposite is told outside the court. These demands on the psyche of the target are instrumental in the controller’s ability to continue, because they are using the trauma they create, the knowledge the target has that their child is in danger, because a father who harms his partner cannot be a good enough father (there is much research on this. Look to Dr. Katz) The courts do not in any case follow this logic and this is where CEDAW can be cited in a courtroom. I am not a lawyer, but have studied logic in university and understand that an appeal can be filed simply on not adhering to CEDAW. Not giving financial disclosure is a violation of CEDAW and in many cases salaries are imbalanced, or stay-at-home mothers are discriminated against openly as they cannot afford a lawyer. If one party has a lawyer while the other cannot, this is a logically, violation of CEDAW. Tracking non-disclosure shows that the financial documents cannot be factual, because they cannot be verified and why would anyone not disclose financially except to gain an advantage and that is discriminatory.
Vituperous litigation. This is a big one. Saskatchewan Supreme Court Justice wrote that the target of hate speech must first show that they are worthy before being able to make an argument. The bias and prejudice of attacking a person regarding their sex is a use of hate speech, directed at a group, though only one member of that group. The ever growing nature of coercive control is to create not only a ‘coalition’ with the target’s children but to create a further group in society that will distrust and in varying degrees ‘hate’ the person being targeted.
Vituperous action outside the courts can also be using the child after they have become young adults. It must be understood that coercive control wishes to continue. The methods are to continue using whatever means, and this can include using an older child to continue to hide previous actions of the controller. Each member of a ‘group’ have different things to hide, so their mutual co operation makes sense to them. It doesn’t matter that they know, deeply, that they are supporting something inhumane, and abhorrent. It is a type of mob violence, where the subconscious fears are given great magnitude.
proportionality between infringement and objective
Hate speech (in courts or outside) coerces mother and child to separate. mother must prove worth and then speak. This also occurs with fathers. Statistics (Dr. Gruev-Vintila, le Contrôle Coercitif) show that 85% of targets are women, and of that 85%, 86 of those women have children. This supports the statistics which show that children are used a leverage. (UK prosecution of Coercive Control is primarily against men who have targeted women, and women with children though no statistics are available yet as the law is relatively new. Canada has a Coercive Control Act in the Senate, and the second reading has happened in December, 2024. After the third reading it can become law)
This use of hate speech against a mother means that the child and then the young adult is not allowed to ask direction, to find solace, or to even get advice from a trusted biological person, to whom they have great attachment. No matter how well you attachment parented your child, a coercive controlling individual or gang will accommodate themselves. The shock of continuing that controllers do can be expedited by understanding that the pattern does not renew itself. The controller does not decide that they are not being successful and must change what they are doing.
Use of Grooming/Love Bombing
At any time that it is possible, and in particular when the person demands justice, this will be used to avoid detection. Unfortunately for the coercive control pattern, as understanding of this attempt to deflect, makes it less successful.
President Trump, while addressing the UN, used language about immigration, which is inflammatory and discriminatory, against the nations he addressed. But the lack of logic was then followed by proclamations that Ukraine can regain lost territory, and Europe can shoot down planes in their air space.
This could be a form of using such incomplete ideas to always provide a shifting ground.
In looking at the statistics of the US Supreme Court justices, it is only Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson who has solidly disagreed with discriminatory practice, in the ever-flowing documents flowing from the President.
It is important to use time wisely, to point out distractions early, to take a stand as soon as one is able, and to not discriminate against those who are targets but who are showing the pattern, clearly and concisely, such as Justice Brown Jackson. She, as a black woman, has excercised her experience possibly.
Support System Advantage:
Knowing that ISOLATION is the primary strategy and theme of coercive control, it is vital to have a network of support, and this means someone who is there when a false police call is made. Isolation is the censorship of journalists, creating an unheard population.
FALSE use of police as first responders against women is such a common use of tax payer dollars. This may result in three police cars and adult men taking control of children and women. This is a traumatic situation and it is meant to be. By taking control in this overpowering way, the person using the false call is both humiliating, and forcing vulnerability where there is none. It is creation for the coercive controller to see how much harm can be caused.
A woman who is both falsely accused and falsely arrested is discriminated against. This is far more common than is understood, but anyone can imagine what this process would become. This is a form of psychological abuse, can create brain injury, and we see it being used by the US president against anyone he chooses. The Supreme Court has allowed the blocking of Habeas Corpus rights as a ‘common sense’ approach to law and this is gaslighting the public.
Please attach any other approaches to initiate response to target acts which initiate discrimination in all its forms. It is time to understand the bold use of all of the means whereby the overconfidence bias of the person targeting others is addressed through logic.
Coercive control is a weapon. It is a strategy to make threats in a way that shocks the listener. The threat is direct. Prime Minister Netanyahu threatened to bomb the Palestinians who left Gaza as they had been directed to do, once they arrived where they had been directed to arrive. He threatened to do this if France recognised the Palestinian State.
A father who threatens to not let their child go back to school unless the mother signs a one year Separation Agreement is leveraging children. The proposal itself is shocking, and Dr. Emma Katz’s research shows that the person making the threat knows exactly what they are doing and what they get from the threat.
A grandmother who elevates herself above a child’s mother to support such threats is using coercive control. The control is sometimes directed right at the person and sometimes is directed to a child who must then tell the mother, what the threat is.
Coercive control is dangerous because it is fluid, moving, making plans in private, ‘meetings of mistakes’ that on the ground create enormous damage. They continue in private, but are shown in the threats with contempt to the target, but also contempt to the one hearing the threat. It is damaging to the psyche to hear such threats. For children of course, it is child abuse.
The politicians who use it are hiding behind the fear that they, themselves, create. One of the dangers of the practice is the sociopathic lack of feeling for what they are doing.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Convention_on_the_Elimination_of_All_Forms_of_Discrimination_Against_Women
Dr. Emma Katz's at-a-glance guide to Coercive Control
photograph belongs to author, from her collection Tequilla Mockingbird, Toronto. Silk from Nice, France.